Mobot regulars might be familiar with past features such as Damn you, Android battery, Things going wrong and I hate you, Facebook and Skype apps. All fantastically intellectual stuff, of course, but absolutely worthwhile when they yield such comments as: “What are you, a robot?” and: “Seriously, look at a tree.”
It’s been a while since I went on one of my patented tongue-in-cheek rants, so I figured I’d churn one out and see what crazies we can draw out of the proverbial woodwork.
Clearly there are far more important things going on in the world, like war, famine, disease, and having to replace a dead hard drive on an Intel iMac which Apple really didn’t intend to be customer serviceable.
Yes, one of those things recently happened to me, and it certainly wasn’t famine; I panned 20 – yes, twenty – dishes at Yo! Sushi’s all-you-can-eat Sumo Sunday last night. Bleurgh.
Also, I’m currently lying in bed with a cup of coffee while the 9-to-5ers brave the cold, snowy outdoors, so I really can’t complain. But I will. About my stupid phone.
Let’s see, what’s bothering me right now? Oh, I’m still waiting for the Android Market update. Seriously. Yes, I’m fully aware that I can install it manually without the need to root or any of that stuff, but it’s the principal of the thing, damnit. I’m starting to feel like you don’t love me here, Android.
Skype continues to prove bothersome, and – true story – it appears to be getting worse as time goes on, not better. And my fellow Skypers concur. How can this be? I have an odd vision of the developers sitting around a table trying to figure how they can mess with people.
Messages all too often disappear into the ether, which is almost forgivable, but I had a problem recently where my lady friend rang me four times – and it did ring, supposedly – before Skype acknowledged her at my end. You can imagine how that conversation went: “I called you three times already!” “No you didn’t.” “Yes I did!” “No you didn’t.” “Yes I did!” And so on, for 20 minutes.
The cheeky gits at Skype also figure it’s a good idea to continually remind me that I only have 70-odd pence of credit left. You know what? One reminder is more than enough. It’s plenty. If I want to add credit, I will. Last time I checked, having just 76p of Skype credit wasn’t a cyber crime.
The Notifications bar in the Facebook app is mischievous as ever. Sometimes I get a little number in a red circle, as I should, but other times – apparently without reason – I have to pull down the bar and manually hit Refresh to see what’s going on.
Better still, there’s a brand new phenomenon whereby it appears to queue notifications, and reveals them one at a time with a tap of Refresh.
For example, let’s say someone has commented on my Status (inevitably something really important, like feeling nauseous after pigging out on sushi), and I’ve picked up said comment.
Hitting Refresh on the Notifications screen will initially show the comment. It’s like: “Aww yeah, such and such called. I forgot.” Tapping Refresh again sets the comment to read, as if the app suddenly realises: “Ahh, you read that one already. Sorry.” It’s like a perpetually stoned flatmate who can’t be trusted to perform the simplest of tasks.
And finally, I’d hate to end on a bad note, so I’ll bestow upon thee a heart-warming tale, the likes of which you’ve never heard before. My Internet app was being a bugger and constantly crashing, but a quick Restart seems to have resolved that particular problem. You feel all warm and fuzzy now, don’t you? Job: done.