The title of this feature threatens to yield some terrible jokes, perhaps involving J-Lo’s bum, but it’s Monday morning and I’m really quite tired, so I’ll leave you to let your imaginations run wild.
Yes, so, there are quite a few sexy new smartphone/tablet beasts on the horizon that have us salivating like a fat kid on Domino’s Two For Tuesday night. In no particular order whatsoever, here are the top five things we want to play with.
Oh, I should perhaps throw in a brief disclaimer in that I penned this feature entirely off-the-cuff and probably forgot loads of awesome stuff.
1. The Amazon Kindle tablet
We’re not entirely sure about the 7in display, but otherwise the Amazon Kindle tablet sounds intriguing, particularly the fact that Android is reportedly unrecognisable.
And the best part is the competitive price. It’s been suggested that the Amazon Kindle tablet will go for $250 in the States. That’s £155 in our money, but we fully expect to pay around £250. Sigh.
2. The Samsung Galaxy Note
We’re still trying to suss out in our heads where the cut-off between smartphone and tablet lies. Could you really live with a 5.3in beast in your pocket? We’re willing to give it a shot.
Incidentally, I’m officially sidestepping the obvious 5.3in beast = penis joke.
I’ve got a news piece lined up for later today concerning the Samsung Galaxy Note’s release date. Know this: we’re almost certainly getting it before the Yanks, yas! Er, assuming Apple doesn’t have it sidelined with a lawsuit.
3. The Apple iPhone 5
Boo! Hiss! We hate Apple! Yes, we hate Apple too, but there’s no denying that the iPhone is pretty good. That’s largely thanks to the stupidly intuitive (too intuitive for some, perhaps) iOS, and when the iPhone 5 arrives with iOS 5, we reckon they’ll make quite the pair.
Having said that, there’ll inevitably be ridiculous stock shortages for the first few weeks, and we’ll decide that we definitely hate Apple unreservedly and don’t care about the iPhone 5.
4. The HTC Puccini
It’d probably be quite harsh to describe the HTC Flyer as the disappointment of the year. But when we first laid eyes on the Taiwanese manufacturer’s debut tablet at Mobile World Congress, we would’ve gladly punched our respective loved ones for a chance to have a play with it. Fast forward a few months, and… well, you know the rest.
The latest rumblings from the rumour mill suggest that the HTC Puccini will have a 10.1in display (1280x800), with an 8MP camera and 1.5GHz dual-core processor. That’s more like it, guys!
5. The Nokia Sea Ray
I don’t think I’ve ever actually published an article in which I’ve mistakenly referred to Nokia’s debut Windows Phone 7 handset as the Sea Horse, but it’s been bloody close on more than one occasion. Sea RAY.
The specs are still a mystery, and there are rumours that the Sea Ray might in fact be the decidedly modest Nokia 703. Hmm.
If the Nokia Sea Ray isn’t the bee’s knees, could it signal the end for Windows Phone 7? Nah, probably not, but it’s still a pretty big dealio. In the interest of competition, we hope the Nokia Sea Ray is a resounding success.