Happy iPhone 5 day, you heathens! This very evening, September 12, Apple will finally lift the lid on the successor to the iPhone 4S. About bloody time. Er, even though the 4S is less than a year old. But still.
Where am I going with this? Ahh yes. This is arguably the biggest night for mobile in 2012, but don’t get too excited, man. Chances are the reaction – from you and me, anyway – will be a resounding “Meh”.
If history has taught us anything, it’s that these product launches invariably leave us feeling thoroughly unimpressed. I’m thinking in particular of the iPad 2, iPhone 4S, new iPad, Samsung Galaxy S III, Samsung Galaxy Note 2, Motorola Razr HD, Nokia Lumia 920…
Part of the problem is all these blogs (ahem) with their incessant rumour peddling. In our defense, we haven’t relayed every single iPhone 5 rumour – far from it; only the ones we felt were worth mentioning. But still, even the hallowed pages of Mobot paint an incredibly vivid picture of the iPhone 5.
Yep, over the course of the year, we’ve veeeery slowly ruined the surprise. But is there really much potential for surprise anyway? What do we really expect from the iPhone 5 – or indeed any new smartphone/tablet technology?
The weight of expectation is incredible. We turned our noses up at the Samsung Galaxy S III, because it failed to blow the Samsung Galaxy S II – largely regarded as one of the best smartphones of all time – out of the water. And PenTile? Oh, the humanity!
The fact that the Samsung Galaxy S III went on to sell 20 million units suggests that the problem lies with us phone nerds. We’re impossible to please. There’s always something wrong, something missing.
Of course Apple, more than any other manufacturer, is almost guaranteed to disappoint. In fact, tonight’s iPhone 5 launch might well be the most disappointingest of all.
The iPhone 5 is tipped to rock a new proprietary docking thingy, making more room inside for components and that. That’s great, right? Progress? But we’ll inevitably tear it to shreds because it means all existing docking stations and accessories will be incompatible.
And the iPhone 5’s 16:9 display ratio is all well and good for watching stuff, but what about all those hundreds of thousands of apps on the App Store? They can be enjoyed with black borders, or perhaps in delicious stretch-o-vision.
Actually, it’ll be interesting to see how – if at all – Apple addresses those issues at the keynote. No doubt they’ll charm us into thinking black borders are the Slickest Thing Ever.
It’s still unclear if the iPhone 5 will rock a dual-core A5X processor (like the new iPad) or leap to quad-core. In the former case, we’ll demand: “Where’s the quad-core?” In the latter, we’ll ponder: “Does it really need to be quad-core?”
There are those traditional Apple quirks too, such as the lack of microSD compatibility. Supporting microSD cards might be enough to win some over, but don’t hold your breath. Ditto: removable battery.
We imagine there’ll be some sort of surprise tonight – for better or worse. Siri was largely unexpected last year. Well, there was some talk of voice recognition in the run up to they keynote, but no one could’ve predicted it’d feature so heavily. Hey, gotta differentiate the iPhone 4S from the iPhone 4 somehow.
The moral of the story? Don’t get your hopes up. The iPhone 5 will ultimately be a slightly enhanced iPhone 4S with a larger display. Having said that, the Apple-loving part of our collective Mobo-brain is still secretly excited, and holding out - against all logic - for the Best Thing Ever. Over to you, Apple…