One of the first things Emma whispered in my ear (er, virtually) as we set off on the great ship Mobot was: Don’t rise to trolls. Words to live by.
However, scouting around the cyberweb after last night’s iPhone 5C and iPhone 5S launch, some of the comments made my blood boil; a lot of seriously stupid people out there. And most of them seem to hate Apple. For some reason.
We’ve observed before that Android fans are typically quite outspoken, and a lot of energy goes towards criticising anything and everything Apple. But why?
I hate chart music; hate it. But I don’t listen to the UK Top 40 every Sunday night and moan about the rubbish that people listen to these days. I just don't buy or listen to it. Simple. Besides, as with phones, there is no right or wrong, otherwise we’d all listen to the same music.
Let’s be honest, there isn’t much Apple could’ve done to impress the Android faithful last night. And surely the iPhone 5S being an iterative hardware update comes as a surprise to no one at this stage in the game? Yet still Android fans act like Apple just peed in their cornflakes.
What do you want, Android fans? What do you want? Would you seriously be happy if iPhone users abandoned Apple en masse and moved to the dark side? Do you really want a one horse race? (Er, no offence, Windows Phone).
Another thing that really gets my goat is when the trolls seize on buzzwords, like “iSheep”. Sigh. Because following the crowd of know-it-all sheep with a seething hatred for Apple is way cooler, right? More recently they’ve started criticising Apple’s “lack of innovation”.
You want to talk about innovation? Maybe Apple would do well to take a leaf out of Samsung’s book, throwing countless flavours of mud at the wall and seeing what sticks. Or maybe they could be more Nokia and, like, die.
Apple is doing just fine, thank you very much, as evidenced by 31.2 million iPhones sales in Q2. And maybe you missed the memo, but the doom and gloom machine is currently pointed in Samsung’s direction.
The naysaying (yeah, I just made up a word) is all a bit pathetic really, and brings to mind the attitude of rampant homophobes who – deep down – are in all likelihood gay. Admit it, you’d love an iPhone, wouldn’t you? If only you hadn’t so vehemently committed to Google’s work-in-progress mobile OS.
Getting back to last night, a lot of people are complaining that the iPhone 5C isn’t a budget iPhone. Sorry, but when did Apple say the iPhone 5C would be particularly wallet-friendly? Indeed, when did Apple say anything about the iPhone 5C before last night? The ‘C’ stands for ‘Colourful’, not ‘Cheap’. Go take it up with the rumour mill.
The 16GB iPhone 5C costs £80 less than the equivalent iPhone 5S. Eighty pounds. That’s not to be scoffed at in today’s economic climate. And not everyone needs the full beastly A7-powered iPhone 5S experience. How dare you give us choice, Apple. How dare you!
Let’s not forget that a lot of people will be coming to the end of 24-month contracts with the iPhone 4S. Upgrading to the iPhone 5S – or even the iPhone 5C – is a pretty decent leap.
Heck, this mightn’t come as much of a surprise, but I’m even semi-contemplating an upgrade from the iPhone 5 to iPhone 5S. Apple A7 processor with the games (including Infinity Blade III) to back it up? Like. Playing around with slow motion video? Like. Authenticating App Store purchases with a press of the thumb? Like.
But hey, maybe the iPhone isn’t for you, and that’s ok. Don’t let it get to you, friend. It’s just a phone. It’s just… a phone.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to troll the One Direction forums.