There’s nothing I enjoy more than a good tale of man vs. technology. One of my friends recently bought some turbo RAM for his PC only to discover that it was incompatible with the BIOS thrusters, and in replacing the BIOS thrusters killed the motherswitch. Or something.
It was my turn last night, and at one point I genuinely thought I might’ve killed my iPhone to death.
It all started around 10pm when I was texting – or, more specifically, iMessaging – my good lady; iMessage is the important part.
For some reason, the Sending bar would repeatedly hang near the top, as if it couldn’t quite send the iMessage. Invariably it’d fail on first attempt, and I’d re-send as a text message. It’s annoying enough when that happens on occasion, but when it happens each and every time…
The problem was compounded somewhat by the relatively low Three signal in my flat, which meant I had to perform a novice contortionist act and hold my phone up to the window when resorting to SMS. Sigh.
I relayed the problem to my other half, and she initially provided a glimmer of hope with the suggestion that she might’ve run out of data (hence not being able to iMessage her), but later revealed that she could access Facebook no problem. Gah!
Disappointingly, I confirmed that the issue was indeed with my iPhone/iMessage when I sent a quick message to my aforementioned good friend, and it instantly went as a text; not even a hint of iMessage.
At this point it was around midnight, and unfortunately I’m not the kinda guy who’ll think: ‘Ach, it’s no big deal. I’ll go to bed and look into it in the morning.’ No sir; I had to fix it THERE AND THEN. And fix it I did. Fixed it good and proper.
I’d tried some of the simple/obvious stuff like rebooting my iPhone, forcing a hard reset with Home and Power, and temporarily disabling iMessage for a few minutes. Alas, no change.
Getting into slightly more complex territory with the jailbreaking and the what have you, I’d also tried sending directly through iMessage as opposed to BiteSMS, and even removing BiteSMS entirely. Still no change.
And so I resorted to googling the problem, and that’s where things started to go very wrong.
In some deep, dark crevice of a forum somewhere, I found a few people with the same issue, and some of them had had luck with a little thing called Reset All Settings.
It’s not something I was previously familiar with; iOS users will take great pride in telling you that iPhones “just work”. However, in the unlikely event that you do have a problem with your iPhone, try Settings > General > Reset > Reset All Settings (er, at your own risk).
I distinctly remember thinking: ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ Oh, those immortal words.
Having reset all settings via Reset All Settings, my iPhone booted up in Safe Mode: “We apologize for the inconvenience, but SpringBoard has just crashed.” Uh oh.
No amount of tapping Restart helped, and as such I resorted to the handy Help file, which recommended installing a debugger. The debugger couldn’t identify anything that had crashed (nothing I was willing to kill, anyway), and - since I hadn't made any changes to my iPhone throughout the day - I admittedly panicked a little.
This is where I should’ve simply gone to bed and slept on it, but my insane brain refused to let it go. I would only retire when my iPhone was a) fixed, or b) destroyed beyond all repair.
The one emergency option I had was updating to iOS 6.1.3. Brilliantly, on checking for software updates on my iPhone, it simply stuck on the spinning wheel.
I wasn’t sure if that was par for the jailbroken course, but I wasn’t willing to hang around and find out.
I hastily whipped out my MacBook, fired up iTunes and connected my iPhone. Instantly: “iOS 6.1.3 is available”, woohoo!
Sadly, it wasn’t that easy. The real Brown Trouser Effect came into play when iTunes said it had been unable to update my iPhone, and – better still – detected an iPhone in recovery mode. On the iPhone screen: the iTunes logo and a USB cable. Oh, the humanity!
Ultimately, I was forced to factory reset my iPhone (wiping out all media in the process), but fortunately I had a recent back-up point.
The upshot is that I’m no longer jailbroken, and lost all my freakin’ progress in Sonic Dash. Sonofa…
The moral of the story? Eh, use Windows Phone.