Partly in an attempt to make sense of things for my own sanity, partly for your amusement as I inevitably tie myself in literary knots, permit me to rant for a few hundred words.
In particular, I’m rambling on about the Samsung Galaxy S5 LTE-A, Galaxy S5 Prime, Galaxy F and Galaxy Alpha, asking each of them in turn: “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?”
Samsung Galaxy S5 LTE-A
Like the Samsung Galaxy S4 LTE-A before it, the Samsung Galaxy S5 LTE-A is very much a real thing, with better specs than the base model upon which it’s based, but – here’s the killer – it’s exclusive to Sammo’s home turf of Korea.
Samsung Galaxy S5 LTE-A specs include compatibility with super-fast – you guessed it – LTE-A networks, a 2560 x 1440 QHD display (a first for Samsung), the spanking new quad-core Qualcomm Snapdragon 805 processor, and 3GB of RAM.
Otherwise (ahem), the Samsung Galaxy S5 LTE-A is pretty familiar, with that divisive perforated rear, a 16MP rear camera, heart rate sensor, and resistance to dust and water.
Again, exclusive to South Korea. Gah.
Samsung Galaxy S5 Prime
Prior to the official launch of the Samsung Galaxy S5 at Mobile World Congress, we were repeatedly promised that it’d arrive alongside an enhanced model, namely the Galaxy S5 Prime (or "Premium" on occasion).
Needless to say that didn’t happen, but the name is still being thrown around half a year later, and we’re still not quite sure what it is.
For some, the Samsung Galaxy S5 Prime is synonymous with the Galaxy F (more on that below), but more accurately it might be an international variant of the Galaxy S5 LTE-A described above.
See, the Samsung Galaxy S5 Prime was supposedly shown off behind the scenes at a recent European network event, with slightly enhanced specs (compared to the S5), but looking nigh on identical.
Samsung Galaxy F
Here’s the Samsung Galaxy S5 variant everyone’s really waiting for, though it might well be its own thing rather than a simple enhanced model.
First rumoured back in September 2013, the story was, and still is (slight confusion about the Prime name and the failure to launch at MWC aside) that the Samsung Galaxy F will be even higher up the spec ladder than the Galaxy S5, and mark the first in a brand new range of premium phones.
“What’s the point?!” I hear you scream. Well, Samsung has taken a lot of flack for the design of its flagship phones, and while they’ve sold well, it’s generally accepted that the aluminium-bodied HTC One looks infinitely better.
Enter: the metal Samsung Galaxy F. Inevitably it’ll match – if not beat – the specs on the aforementioned Galaxy S5 LTE-A, and carry a suitably premium price tag, too.
There are rumours that the Samsung Galaxy F might stay exclusive to Korea, but there’s a good chance it’s being confused with one of the other models. Maybe.
On the flip side of the coin, the Samsung Galaxy F is also tipped to arrive around the same time as the Apple iPhone 6, in a direct attempt to throw a spanner in Tim Cook’s, eh, works. That being the case, a full international release would definitely make more sense.
Samsung Galaxy Alpha
The Samsung Galaxy Alpha moniker is a new one, but it sounds very much like it’ll be the same thing as the Samsung Galaxy F (literally the same), marking the first in a new range of better-than-Galaxy-S phones.
I could be way off about everything other than the Samsung Galaxy S5 LTE-A.