Before I start getting stuck into people, I’ll openly admit that I too am an idiot. On some level. True, I might’ve graduated from university, but if you want to burn a pizza, for example, I’m your man.
But there’s an altogether different breed of idiot, the kind that makes you wonder how some people survive from day to day. Said idiots can be found all over the cyberweb, freely expressing their moronic opinions. God bless the internet.
I’d noticed a particular phenomenon on the App Store previously, and it became apparent once again yesterday when I reviewed Don’t Wake Dad. The quality of a game is - to an extent - subjective, but Don’t Wake Dad is indisputably hollow.
Going off on a slight tangent for a moment, I’ll concede that I might’ve been a tad harsh on Don’t Wake Dad. I’ve found some games to be offensively bad; Don’t Wake Dad isn’t particularly awful at what it does, there’s just very little to it.
One Moboreader accused me of being “negative” (moi?) and implied that I don’t appreciate indie developers. On the contrary, I realise that these guys face a depressing uphill struggle, but should that be taken into account when reviewing games? Should indie/free apps be judged on a different scale?
Regardless, Don’t Wake Dad is pretty lame, there’s no getting past that. Or is there? Let’s head over to the App Store and see what people have been saying.
The current version of the game has been reviewed 1,363 times. An overwhelming 1,088 people awarded the game 1/5. But what’s this? At the opposite end of the scale we’ve got 171 people who believe Don’t Wake Dad is up there with the very best the App Store has to offer. Really? Really?
Don’t get me wrong here; I’m not saying that the people who awarded Don’t Wake Dad 5/5 are idiots. Indeed, the most idiotic comment came from someone who doled out one star. Cooldude500008 says: “the worst game I’ve played even I can’t play it”. Fantastic. Isn’t that like saying: “It’s the worst game I’ve ever bought. I didn’t even buy it!”?
Being an incredibly positive person, I’ll give Cooldude500008 the benefit of the doubt and assume he (a) made sure his iDevice met the minimum requirements, and (b) tried removing the app then reinstalling it before lashing out with his damning review.
Even Angry Birds – one of the most popular mobile games of all time – isn’t immune from poor feedback. The current version has been reviewed 215 times, and 65 users reckon it’s deserving of just one star. Having said that, most of those seem to be experiencing problems with the app. Fair enough.
Anyway, I’m feeling slightly guilty about my Don’t Wake Dad review now. Poor Juan Uzcategui slaved away for hours, and along comes me with my big pretentious gaming hat on, immediately dismissing it as a shallow experience. I stand by my review, but go check it out for yourself; it’s free. Make your own mind up. Don’t let me put you off, I’m just an idiot.