What could be better than one semi-decent retro game? If you answered: “Fourteen semi-decent retro games!” give yourself a pat on the back, ‘cause that’s exactly what Dennis Lenz's Retrogamebox offers for one pounds and forty-nine pences.
There’s no friggin’ way I’m going to attempt writing about all 14 games in one go; I’d be sitting here all bloomin’ weekend. Instead, I’ll split the Retrogamebox review into three easily digestible courses. Ready for the starter?
In Pixel Joe, different sized blocks fall from the top of the screen, and the basic aim is to climb as high as possible on said blocks without getting hit on the noggin.
My main gripe here is that investing in a jump leaves you in the air for a worrying amount of time, and it’s really down to luck whether or not you get nailed in the head while you’re up there.
Bevoid is absolutely fantastic, and alone very nearly justifies the price of admission. Visually it recalls rhythm action games such as Guitar Hero and Rock Band, with a vertical scrolling playing field and different coloured shapes appearing from the top.
However, in Bevoid, you want to avoid shapes different from your own, and collect those that are the same. So if you’re controlling a red square, for example, you’ll want to stay the hell away from the blue triangles and green circles. This leads to some furious tapping action as you move your little shape around the bottom of the screen.
I probably haven’t articulated that very well, but trust me when I say Bevoid is great.
Pocketankz is alright. It essentially nicks the missile-shooting element from Worms, and sees two tanks attempting to blast the ground from under each other (literally) till one falls off the bottom of the screen.
It’s fairly enjoyable, but adopts one of the most idiotic control mechanisms I’ve ever encountered. You have to tap a button in the middle of the screen to set your power, which sounds fine, right? But in holding down the button you inevitably obscure the power display making it almost impossible to judge. Jeez.
Starcatcher is horseshit if I’m being perfectly honest. Move an elk’s head from left to right, collecting stars and avoiding rocks. Oh, unless your elk’s head becomes huge, in which case rocks are fair game too.
There are often times when it's not possible to avoid groups of rocks, meaning it's again a case of luck over skill. Meh.
I can’t imagine anyone spending much time on this one.
Stay tuned for part two…