When it comes to the world’s top smartphone manufacturer, and indeed the world’s top mobile manufacturer, the undisputed king is South Korea’s finger-in-every-pie (Android, Windows Phone 8, Windows 8, Tizen) Samsung.
The South Koreans are clearly doing something right, but looking back over the first half of space year 2013AD, there’s every evidence that success has gone to Samsung’s head.
On the whole, it’s become nigh on impossible to keep up with Samsung’s ultra-prolific output. Blink, and there’s a good chance you’ll miss yet another Samsung Galaxy smartphone or tablet (or phablet) launch.
It doesn’t help when you have phones like the spanking new Samsung Galaxy Young. Yes, that’s a different phone than the 2011 Samsung Galaxy Y, though the Y in the latter stands for – you guessed it – Young. Sigh.
And remember the Samsung Galaxy Xcover 2 (right) the rugged dual-core smartphone with a 4in display? Nah, me neither. How about the 3in Samsung Galaxy Star? Or the 3.5in Samsung Galaxy Fame?
Samsung also found time to continue its frankly baffling and ultimately pointless tradition of releasing ‘Plus’ variants of existing phones. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Samsung Galaxy S II Plus, a phone that Matt brilliantly described as the Samsung Galaxy S II Minus.
I’ve just found an article too, written by me (really?), detailing something called the Samsung Galaxy Core. Who knew?
Of course, Samsung chose not to launch the Galaxy S4 (left) at Mobile World Congress 2013, ‘cause it’s too big a deal for trade shows now.
Instead, we had to suffer teasers in the form of videos featuring child executive Jeremy Maxwell, whose chauffeur boldly claimed: “I know this [the Samsung Galaxy S4] is going to be one of the most exciting products to hit the market since TVs with colour.” Good lord. Next we'll be hailing JK Shin as Jesus.
Continuing the crazy theme, the actual Samsung Galaxy S4 launch took place in New York, adopting a surreal Broadway style. My favourite segment featured a tap-dancing – yes, tap-dancing – Jeremy Maxwell. What the hell?
At said event, Samsung spent most of the time bigging up the various software features, including Dual Camera, Dual Video Call, S Translator, Smart Scroll, Smart Pause, S Voice Drive, Air Gesture, Group Play...
Sticking with the Samsung Galaxy S4, it’s being joined by a handful of variants, including the outrageously expensive Samsung Galaxy S4 mini, the rugged Samsung Galaxy S4 Active (right; why is the base model not water- and dust-proof?), and the 16MP Samsung Galaxy s4 Zoom.
The PR team was clearly on drugs when it scribbled up the Samsung Galaxy Tab 3 10.1, claiming that it’s “Built to be the leading 10-inch tablet in the market”. Yes, with a PPI of 149 and 1GB of RAM. Get in there.
I’m 500 words in and I’ve yet to mention the Samsung Galaxy Mega 5.8 and Galaxy Mega 6.3 (left) We’ll only see the latter in the UK, but why anyone would choose it over the Samsung Galaxy Note 2 is beyond us. Heck, at least wait and see what the Samsung Galaxy Note 3 offers.
Speaking of the future, Samsung isn’t done yet, with the Galaxy Ace 3 expected shortly. Chances are we’ll also see a higher-end Samsung Galaxy Tab, and/or possibly a Samsung-built Google Nexus 11.
Oh, and I almost forgot Samsung's June 20 event, where the South Koreans will show off - among others - a new ATIV device, despite its absolutely nonchalant attitude towards Windows Phone 8 and Windows 8 to date. You do know you don't have to release devices on every operating system going?
Ah well. Here’s to a similarly crazy H213, Samsung. You’re really spoiling us.