Stupid things people ask me

Stupid things people ask meSpending an inhuman amount of time reading and writing about mobile phones, it’ll come as no surprise to hear that people – friends, family, relative strangers – regularly ask me all sorts of phone-related questions.

Take a second to think, people. Imagine knowing a clown and asking him to perform on demand. Sometimes the clown just wants to chill out. Probably the last thing he wants to think about on his downtime is being a clown. Know wha’m sayin’?

Alas, that particular logic is apparently lost on many people, and the mobile questions flow thick and fast. Mostly thick.

Yeah, it wouldn’t be so bad if the questions were specific. I don’t mind, for example, someone asking: “What’s the best phone I can get for £100?” Actually, I take it back. Even that’s really annoying.

Here are some of the most common questions I’m asked:

What’s the best phone?

What’s the best phone ever? What’s the best phone money can buy? What’s the best phone for you? Also: best is subjective, man.

Having said that, the “best” phone on the market at present is probably the iPhone 5, or the Samsung Galaxy S III, or the Samsung Galaxy Note 2, or the, uhm, Nokia Lumia 920. Any will do; they’re all much the same thing. Honest.

What phone should I buy?

Sigh. This is probably the worst one. It’s like asking Jeremy Clarkson which car you should buy. Not that I’m saying I’m the Jeremy Clarkson of the mobile world. Nah, I’m more like… some guy who repairs Skodas in the Czech Republic, but he has a hot Czech girlfriend. Mmm, hot Czech girlfriend…

Or maybe you could go ask Phil Spencer which house you should buy. I’m sure he’ll be happy to hook you up.

Where were we? Ah, what phone should you buy? I dunno; what do you use it for? Calls? Texts? Emails? Taking pictures? Browsing the interweb? Gaming? All of the above?

Different phones suit different people, hence why there are so bloomin’ many of them. Read about them, play with them; find the phone that best suits you. Or just buy an iPhone.

Should I buy an iPad?

I really don’t know. Should I buy teabags?

Back when I bought my iPad, I struggled to explain to the mothership why anyone would want – or need – an iPad. “What does it do that your phone or laptop can’t do?” Uhm…

I’m still clinging to the “I need it to play and review iOS games” excuse, and if that weren’t the case, I probably wouldn’t have an iPad at all. True story.

What contract should I go on?

Yes, because I have an internal database with everyone’s – seriously, everyone’s – monthly usage, including minutes, texts and data. I can also tell you what network coverage is like where you live and work without batting an eyelid. Go ahead. Ask me.

What apps should I get?

All of them. Just download them all. They’re all excellent.

What games should I play?

Okay, games I don’t mind talking about, though I invariably struggle to remember the good stuff.

Let’s see… Infinity Blade I & II, Angry Birds Star Wars, Bad Piggies, Letterpress, Temple Run 2, GTA III, GTA Vice City, Jetpack Joyride, Cut the Rope, N.O.V.A. 1-3, Asphalt 7, Rayman Jungle Run, The Room, Super Hexagon, Draw Something… the list goes on.

Can you fix my phone?

Back when I worked for <insert company name> Broadband, people would frequently ask if I could “fix” their broadband or “fix” their computer. To be fair, I probably could, but whether or not I would is a different thing entirely.

Am I a bad friend/son/brother/colleague? Yes. Yes I am.

As for fixing your phone, start with google. Google's your friend.

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19 comments

AhmadCentral  Feb. 1, 2013 at 13:16

This^

matt101101 / MOD  Feb. 1, 2013 at 13:24

The only people who I don't mind helping out are my mum and dad. They spent 18 years and God knows how much money raising me, I think the least I can do is go and set up their new TV/phone/computer/iPad for them.

Otherwise, I agree with everything you said, Lewis.

AhmadCentral  Feb. 1, 2013 at 13:30

The only people who I don't mind helping out are my mum and dad. They spent 18 years and God knows how much money raising me, I think the least I can do is go and set up their new TV/phone/computer/iPad for them.

Otherwise, I agree with everything you said, Lewis.


Agreed. If it;s family or close friends i don't mind. But if it's people i don't know, or people who haven't talked to me in ages then it's a bit annoying. I try to help as many people as i can though within reason.

But yeh, gets annoying when you're asked the same question so many times. Tbh this applies most to the guy who i haven't spoken to in 3 years (we're not close at all) who randomly sent me this message on facebook last week-

hey mate. you're probably the most tecky person i know of. Can you tell me which phone i should get this weekend. my upgrade is up and i need something to replace my HTC phone.

He then followed it up with this-

Hey, did you get the message. I'm going into town tomorrow so i need some advice to go on

I don't even know this guy that well, he went to my sixth form and was in the year above. We talked like 5 times.

matt101101 / MOD  Feb. 1, 2013 at 13:53

Did you give him advice :p?

I try and avoid even giving friends advice, apart from telling them not to get something sh*t if I know they're considering it. My line of thinking is: advise Mum and Dad but I don't owe anyone else anything. If people do ask me, I either manage to ignore them or tell them, in a half-arsed manner, to get an iPhone 5/Galaxy S3 (change for latest model when appropriate).

I don't get paid to hand out tech advice, and I don't wish to be held liable for people not liking whatever I recommended they buy.

JanSt / MOD  Feb. 1, 2013 at 13:54

"should I buy an iPhone or would it be better to buy an Android and just buy the iPhone apps`/' = the oddest I've been asked ...

JanSt / MOD  Feb. 1, 2013 at 13:55

I still don't know what he meant.

JanSt / MOD  Feb. 1, 2013 at 13:56

+ a lot of Irish people ask me if I'm Polish... different story, I guess.

Pondlife  Feb. 1, 2013 at 14:02

"should I buy an iPhone or would it be better to buy an Android and just buy the iPhone apps`/' = the oddest I've been asked ...

I hope you replied yes and refused to say which part you were saying yes to.

Pondlife  Feb. 1, 2013 at 14:06

Tech advice can be a pain anyway as even the best kit will have some that break down and somehow they seem to hold you responsible as if you were in the factory overseeing production of their actual device.

Pondlife  Feb. 1, 2013 at 14:07

I don't even know this guy that well, he went to my sixth form and was in the year above. We talked like 5 times.

I don't do facebook but I'm lead to believe you can block people?

AhmadCentral  Feb. 1, 2013 at 14:08

Tech advice can be a pain anyway as even the best kit will have some that break down and somehow they seem to hold you responsible as if you were in the factory overseeing production of their actual device.

This is why when friends i know personally and people on forums like these ask me about dual sim phones i'm reluctant to recommend one unless i know the guy is not totally dumb and knows about all the risks and makes a calculated decision.

Too many people see my dual sim phone and the price i've paid and suddenly decide to get one themselves and i have to tell them no because they don't know the risks and if it breaks they'll blame me.

Oh the burden of knowledge :p

@Jan, nope i didn't. I didn't even reply. tbh i don't use facebook that much so i only saw it like a day after he'd written the second reply.

JanSt / MOD  Feb. 1, 2013 at 14:10

"should I buy an iPhone or would it be better to buy an Android and just buy the iPhone apps`/' = the oddest I've been asked ...

I hope you replied yes and refused to say which part you were saying yes to.


I said, 'Ahem........', and then we got interrupted

ifskodawasacar  Feb. 1, 2013 at 15:30

"Any will do; they’re all much the same thing. Honest."

Didn't you see the "world's most innovative smartphone" ads? /sarc off

"What games should I play?"

None, grow up.

JanSt / MOD  Feb. 1, 2013 at 15:55

?

SpeedyG  Feb. 3, 2013 at 13:54

Should I buy an iPhone or a Galaxy? :p

JanSt / MOD  Feb. 3, 2013 at 14:00

Should I buy an iPhone or a Galaxy? :p

More importantly: which of the two can get BBM? o_O

Pondlife  Feb. 3, 2013 at 14:21

Only the Nokia iGalaxy does

AhmadCentral  Feb. 3, 2013 at 14:42

Is that the new bada OS phone?

JanSt / MOD  Feb. 3, 2013 at 14:44

Is that the new bada OS phone?
Tyson OS - It bites your ears.

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